


green

by orphan_account



Category: Wings of Fire - Tui T. Sutherland
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Coping, Gen, Hallucinations, Introspection, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 02:38:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20184871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Anemone can't sleep at night.(A personal piece about struggling with trauma and nightmares.)





	green

It was eerily silent. The moonlight glittered on the cave’s lake, the reflection dancing amongst the cave’s dark walls. The body of water looked ethereal, shimmering like a portal into another world. The fish at the bottom of the lake shone like jewels, diving in and out from the river that connected the cave lakes. In the day, the sun illuminated the cave as if coating it in gold, but not many dragons knew how gorgeous it was at night. All that could be heard was the gentle stream of water and light talon steps in the dead of night.

Bioluminescent stripes flashed onto the walls, making the cave glow in cyan blue. Anemone slid quietly from the tunnels connecting the cave’s lake to the other caves, her webbed talons softening her steps. She quietly approached the lake, looking behind her to see if that annoying guard or anyone else had been following her. Anemone breathed a sigh of relief once the coast was clear, dipping a talon into the pool of water. She shuddered slightly before dipping her arm deeper into the lake, brushing off the coldness of the water. It was absolutely nothing compared to the open seas, warmed by the sun at the surface and comfortingly cold in the deep, endless as the sky itself, but it would do. 

Anemone gently pushed herself into the lake’s chilly waters, settling herself on the lakebed. Her talons sunk into the soft, grassy moss beneath her, and she laid down, her tail curling towards her and accidentally causing a gentle current in which the cavefish were swept by. 

Anemone’s tired and restless scales seemed to revive with the water. Her body tingled with comfort, bubbles escaping her gills and floating to the surface. Anemone rested her head on a patch of moss, turning towards her tail. How long had it been since she had slept, she wondered? Days? Weeks? She would close her eyes, only to find gargled screams and shocks of electricity on her scales, thunder and ice and dragons that could crush her with a flick of a talon. 

To cut even deeper into the wound, sometimes she would find her siblings’ mangled bodies under her, her mother’s head staring blankly at her as the blood ran further, further, further into Anemone’s scales, gills breathing as if the blood was the sea she called home. Auklet crying, Tsunami’s roars, Turtle’s whimpering, it all seemed to crash down on her every sense once she tried to sleep. She would often wake up suddenly to see ripped apart scrolls and objects from her fits in reaction to her nightmares as she scrambled to find her soul reader. 

Anemone thought, for a second, that it wasn’t genuinely hers, but she sharply corrected herself. She wouldn’t think of _ him _ , not anymore. It was her soul reader now, no matter which squid for brains monstrous murderer enchanted it. The soul reader always showed her black sand with small specks of white, and yet it left her with this hollow emptiness. An emptiness that could be traced back to her mother’s leash on her body, Whirlpool’s death at her talons, Darkstalker’s manipulation, and finally Turtle’s expression of disappointment and fear as they fought to the death. Everything was fine now, and even though dragons like Kinkajou found it hard to forgive her, and dragons like Moonwatcher still kept their distance, nothing was wrong anymore. School was normal, she came with her winglet to the caves’ lakes every single day, her mother sent her letters and her sister and brother watched over her. If nothing was wrong, why was she still _ empty? _

  
A ripple in the water caused Anemone to sharply turn her head. Moonlight did nothing to hide Anemone’s pale white scales, but from her vision underwater, she could see the reflection of emerald green on the cave walls. _ Turtle? _Anemone signed in aquatic, wondering if he knew she was here. Anemone lifted herself from the lakebed, approaching the edge of the lake and resting her talons on a stalagmite. Her scales pricked and she closed her eyes, not bearing to see the figure behind her.

For some reason, her almost nightly secret swims brought her shame. She didn’t know if she wanted anyone knowing about her nightmares which caused her lack of sleep and made her swim for hours until she came back to her cave to sleep for a few minutes. How pathetic of a Seawing princess to act that way. Not just that, but Pike would nag her for eons about it, or even worse, _ Tsunami _ would nag her about it, and she would not have pity from anyone. 

Finally, Anemone’s head rose from the surface, her nostrils taking in a breath of fresh air. She paused, her talons resting uncomfortably on the cave’s natural statues.

“Turtle, is that you?” Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, but in the silent cave it echoed and seemed louder than war, than an orchestra, than anything in Pyrrhia. Anemone swallowed, waiting for a response, for anything. But all she received was silence in return. “I was just taking a midnight swim. No suspicious soul deteriorating activity here to witness and protect the world from, okay? You can go back to your cave,” her voice, although faint, feigned cheerfulness. 

She couldn’t say that she didn’t feel a lot happier after spending so many nights with Qibli, carefully writing the perfect spell to save her from herself, but she didn’t even know if her actions were caused by her magic, or by Darkstalker, or by herself. It left an odd and uncomfortable jab in her side when she thought about it. The emerald green reflection remained, causing Anemone to huff slightly. “I swear. I just missed the water, and even though I like going with my winglet, it’s always nice to swim alone. You don’t have to worry,” Anemone’s voice grew a bit louder, her frustration barely contained. She appreciated her family’s support despite her actions, but it felt odd to have an eye on her at all times, as if she were a disaster waiting to happen.

The green remained on the walls. Could it be that _he_ was back to finally kill her, disguising himself to finish her off because she didn't do what _he_ wanted?

Anemone hissed and shook her head vigorously, as if forgetting another dragon could be in the cave. _No._ She wouldn’t think of that idiotic monster anymore. Her talons clawed at the moss, sending loose tufts of dark green into the water. Her face tightened, muscles tensing and her wings shot to her side, causing quite a ripple in the water. _That’s in the past. This is the present. You’re a good dragon, princess of the Seawings, totally not planning to murder her mom and sisters anymore. You’re free from animus spells and soul deterioration. You’re safe, Anemone. Safe. Three moons, relax. You’re at Jade Mountain now, with tons of annoying-but-alright dragons, and no dumb prophecy or spooky animus dragon to put spells on you. I’m safe. I’m safe, right? Just me, here, right now, in this lake._

Soon enough, she snapped her head back, only to find no one there. _Just a hallucination..._

Her muscles ceased to tense and she let go with relief, huffing and sending bubbles to the surface. Her tail curled around a nearby stalagmite, scared that she might send it trashing if her painful thoughts came back. Gently flipping her body over, her large blue eyes stared at the three full moons above her, and she felt somewhat relaxed. How long had it been since she had slept a full night? Anemone had lost count. She never did let anyone know her loss of sleep, however. Sometimes she thought of enchanting something that made her never ending nightmares go away, but before she knew it she was checking the soul reader and sighing in relief at black sand. She couldn’t imagine enchanting anything for a very long time, not after what happened. Even with her bracelet.

Anemone closed her eyes, her tail uncoiling from the stalagmite. She glowed faintly in the water, feeling herself slip away. Anemone was surprisingly exhausted, mostly by the thoughts in her own head, the fear that shook her to her core. If she were to sleep right now... She knew she should get back to her cave with Ostrich before sunrise and dry off beforehand, but she couldn’t resist. Maybe this sleep will be different. No animus or dead dragons to haunt her dreams. Her mind drifted off, her body ultimately going limp as she let her sleep take over her. 

Maybe tonight, she could feel whole.

  


**Author's Note:**

> This piece is a bit old, and unfortunately, unfinished. Rather than trying to remember the original ending I had for it at the time I had wrote it, I decided to leave it as is. As someone with PTSD, writing this fic was very personal and hit very close to home. I wanted to write about Anemone struggling with her trauma, morality, and identity, and here we are. This has been sitting in my drafts for almost a year and a half now, but I decided to post it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Thank you.


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